Guest Post - Pregnancy: Would You Like Wine With That?
As we ALL know, people love their own opinions, especially about how others should act and behave. We're all guilty of it, even if some of us have the decency to share them behind your back so you don’t have to hear it.
And then you get pregnant, and all of that goes straight out the window. Personal opinions suddenly become constant judgements unsolicited advice comments. But right now, I'm not talking about the everyday "you-know-what-you-should-dos" (I'll be circling back to this in a future Preggo Musing post, trust me); I'm talking about one thing: Alcohol.
"You're not seriously drinking a beer, are you?"
"You know you can't drink while you're pregnant, right?"
Or there's just the look. The sideways, "omg, that girl is totally killing her baby right now" look.
Okay, look. I'm aware that I'm pregnant. And I'm drinking a beer. A beer. I've done the research, I've made a decision, and I'm over it. Now it's your turn—please get over it. (Especially if you're a man. No uterus, no opinion. Unless you're the one responsible for my growing uterus, and then you can chime in. But I still get the final say.)
I mean, everyone knows there are things you just shouldn’t do while knocked up. You don't smoke, you don't carry heavy stuff, you don't do meth (though, really, you should probably just kick that one anyway—yes, now I'm judging), and you don't get drunk.
Notice I said, get drunk. I did not say drink, period. There is a huge difference here.
I have spoken to pretty much every mother I know about this (including my own), and in all but one case, their opinions (and their doctors' opinions) have been the same...a glass or two now and then (even every day) is not going to hurt anything. And I've found the majority of people in my generation honestly seem pretty okay with the whole idea (in moderation, of course). Kate Hudson was down with some wine while pregnant. Gwyneth swears by the healing powers of Guinness, which she didn't seem willing to give up for 9 months. And Rachel Weisz caught all kinds of grief for copping to enjoying wine while expecting. (Which makes me now feel the need to note: I am not a medical doctor. These celebs are not doctors. I am simply sharing their opinions, which I happen to agree with. Please don't yell at/sue me or the Sarahs. I am pregnant and will cry. Thanks.)
Not to be judgmental (who, me???), but my completely uninformed guess is that those who don't agree probably either feel more comfortable following generic "recommended guidelines," or simply don't drink in the first place and therefore are a bit biased. Because, yes, the vast majority of pregnancy books and Web sites all generally say the same thing: Alcohol can cause Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and therefore, you shouldn't drink.
For example:
"Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) is a pattern of mental and physical defects which develops in some unborn babies when the mother drinks "too much" alcohol during pregnancy. The problem is nobody is certain just how much "too much" is."
(-alcoholism.about.com)
But then, when you also look at it from the other side:
"The scientific evidence has not identified a threshold below which alcohol consumption during pregnancy is definitely safe, but neither has it shown any convincing evidence of harm at low levels of intake, and it has not ruled out the possibility that low levels might provide a small benefit.
In the absence of better data, we are left to cope with uncertainty. Individuals will have to make decisions based on their philosophy of risk tolerance and their own personal non-scientific reasons. For me, the unconfirmed possibility of a low level of risk was not enough to outweigh the enjoyment of an occasional glass of wine during my pregnancies."
(-Hariet Hall, MD)
So why the panicked OMG NOT A DROP from most "advice" columns? The answer is: I'm not sure. Since some unspecified amount can hurt an unspecified percentage of babies in unspecified situations with unspecified other environmental factors, I guess it's a lot easier for people to just take the cop-out route and say "the only guaranteed safe amount is none at all."
Me, I'm willing to take the (what I consider to be a) non-risk. I’m going to have my glass of wine with dinner if I want one. On a special occasion, I may even have two. But I’m not going to have more than that, and I’m not drinking every day. And I’m anal, so I measure it out. And I also only drink good stuff—if I only get one beer, I’m damn sure not drinking a Coor’s Light. Give me a Stella, damnit. (Hard alcohol, however, I have shelved. One oz. of vodka isn’t worth the freezer burn I get from digging it out of the freezer.)
There was one article that from Discovery Health that really swayed my decision. I especially like the point about how women who can relax with a glass now and then are more likely to have less stressful pregnancies in general, which is obviously a good thing. (I’ve read that in numerous articles, not just this one.) It’s worth a read, I think, especially if you’re on the fence. Here's a summation:
“The study, which found no evidence of harm from having a couple drinks a week during pregnancy, was so well done and its findings so conclusive that it ought to become the final word in the field, said Fred Bookstein, an applied statistician who studies fetal alcohol spectrum disorders at both the University of Washington, Seattle, and the University of Vienna.”
I haven't, however, decided what to do about drinking in public once I'm obviously pregnant. I live in a conservative area, one where people aren't shy about telling you what you're doing wrong, and I get irritated defending myself. So we'll see how it goes.
And now, I’m off to grab a cup of coffee, since I allow myself two doses of caffeine a day. Let the judging begin.
~ Pam Huber of Seriously Yum
27 Comments
Reader Comments (27)
I heard a great interview with an author who studied environmental toxins and pregnancy - and who happened to be pregnant. She said the issue is that just like people, fetuses most likely have different levels of tolerance. Some people are drunk after a glass of wine. Some it takes an entire bottle. The problem is you don't know which one your baby is. So she decided not to risk it and drink at all. I thought that was an interesting perspective. - SSH
Found it! http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2010-09-30/annie-murphy-paul-origins/transcript
Here's the quote:
Well, I'll say -- I'll tell you my personal experience with alcohol during pregnancy. I love my nightly glass of wine. It was extremely difficult to give up during pregnancy. But after reading the research and talking to a bunch of experts I decided that for nine months I would forgo alcohol. And I'll tell you why. It's one reason that this subject is so confusing to so many pregnant women, is that it really is an unsettled area of research. I mean, you'll hear public health experts and maybe even your own doctor use this same line over and over again. There's no safe level -- no known safe level of alcohol that we can expose a fetus to. And that's literally the truth. We don't know what the lower level is, as Janet was saying earlier. We don’t know exactly where a minor level of alcohol consumption shades into a problematic level of alcohol consumption. And we do know that heavy drinking is extremely damaging to the fetus.
And it gets even more complicated when you think about things like there may be genetic differences among fetuses just like there are genetic differences among people. Some people can knock back a couple bottles of wine and be fine and other people have a glass and they're on the floor. So fetuses are kind of the same and they have different vulnerabilities to alcohol. And then finally there are other environmental influences separate from alcohol consumption that may affect its effect on the fetus. I cite a study in my book "Origins" about a study of women who were alcoholics during pregnancy. A high number of the poor women who were alcoholics during pregnancy had children with fetal alcohol syndrome. And it was a much lower percentage among women -- affluent women who were also alcoholics during pregnancy. And the thought is that the affluent pregnant women had a much better diet, perhaps less stress in their lives. And those things were interacting to produce a different result.
Before I ever got pregnant, I fully believed that I would never touch alcohol or caffeine while pregnant and I thought that women who did were bad people. Now, having spent the entirety of the last 4 years trying to get pregnant, pregnant or breastfeeding, I feel differently. While pregnant, I have sipped a bit of my husband's wine while out to dinner and had a small half glass on a few special occasions. I had one small glass of wine each evening during the period I was breastfeeding. I had one or two small cups of coffee every day while pregnant and breastfeeding. I believe that the risk of listeria from deli meat is more dangerous to a pregnancy than the occasional small drink of wine, yet no one gives dirty looks to women eating a turkey sandwich.
If the whole point is that a safe level of alcohol remains unspecified - what are you possibly measuring so precisely and what is that based on?
Re: measuring...Based on the studies that say one drink is safe, they (and I) are counting one drink as the standard bar measurements: 1 oz of hard alchohol, 5 oz. wine, or 1 standard bottle of beer.
Also, something I stupidly left out, which those of you who are familiar with my past posts hopefully remember...I'm ONLY talking about the second and third trimester. Way too much developmental importance happening in the first, and I have yet to find a doctor that says not to hold off until at least 12-14 weeks.
Love it, and totally agree! That was the attitude I had with both of my pregnancies. I had a couple of drinks a week and didn't feel bad about it at all. I never could bring myself to drink in public though, I just couldn't face the looks and opinions I'd get.
I think the subject as a whole is a little bit selfish and ridiculous. Why take the risk? Is it really that important? The CDC states that FASDs are 100% preventable if a woman does not drink alcohol during pregnancy. There is no known safe amount of alcohol to drink while pregnant. There is also no safe time during pregnancy to drink and no safe kind of alcohol. While pregnant I erred on the side of caution. I wanted to kow I did all I could do to have a healthy baby. I didn't want the unthinkable happen to question what I could have done better or shouldn't have done at all.
I'm with you sister!! I drank occasionally throughout both my pregnancies and nothing untoward has happened with either of my children (my daughter is going to study law at university next year so it obviously didn't have any affect on her brain development at all). I also agree that one or two drinks now and again make for a more relaxed mother and therefore a more relaxed pregnancy.
I worked with two children who suffered with FAS and believe me, that amount of damage can only be caused by consistent, if not continual, hard drinking throughout the whole pregnancy.
The way I see it, your liver is there to filter out the nasties in your system before they get to the placenta, which then acts as another filtration before your blood hits your baby. If you drink too much that your liver can't cope with eliminating the alcohol before it reaches your baby then the placenta is the backup. If the placenta can't cope as well then the levels you must be drinking can only mean that you are a seasoned alcoholic and you are damaging your own body as well as your baby's and, let's be honest, you aren't going to stop drinking just because some right-wing, anally retentive, do-gooder tells you your are harming your unborn baby are you?!
So relax, and enjoy your drink, and don't let other people dictate how you should live your life. You are that baby's mother and you are the best person to judge how to look after it!!
Good luck xx
WOW! I did not know this was a forum for challenging or bashing other people's opinions. As a place where mothers could come together and discuss and support and educate each other I am sadded that people find it necessary to post such judgement. We are all children of there era where mother's drank (60's, 70's maybe 80's) and we all turned out okay but that's not saying there was or could have been risk. Everything can be a threat to a healthy pregnancy and everything can be fine. It all depends on you and your pregnancy. Do what you have to or want to with your pregnancy. It's your pregnancy after all but don't start the name calling or attacking others. I enjoy logging on occasionally but if this is going in the Springer direction then maybe I'll read somewhere else.
Ann, thanks for your feedback and reading.
We are a forum to discuss all opinions, even if they're unconventional, unpopular, or not well received. As part of this committment to share different perspectives other than our own, we welcome guest bloggers who write with a different style, voice, and point of view. Some guest bloggers are more straightforward, some use sarcasm and humor to deal with an issue, others strike a balance. It's a way to promote a diversity of ideas, challenge thinking, and share information, both facts and opinion.
We cannot speak for the guest author, as this is her piece and her words, but we don't feel that she's name calling or attacking others. In many ways, the piece is written perhaps to reveal the hypocrisy in mothers judging mothers, which is especially easy to do when it involves the taboo of drinking wine during pregnancy. We can understand why many people reasonably don't agree with the author's stance. However, we don't believe she's criticizing those who choose not to drink during pregnancy; she's just commenting that people should not attack her if she chooses to do so, she struggles with trying to understand why people feel the need to judge in this specific situation, and explains why she ultimately decided to pour herself a glass after the first trimester ended.
[...] See the original post: Guest Post – Pregnancy: Would You Like Wine With That? | Salt … [...]
Thank you for addressing my concerns. I was a little taken by the comment of, "right-wing, anally retentive, do-gooder tells you your are harming your unborn baby are you?!" I just felt that was a little extreme and crossing the fine line of good taste.
My intention was never to offend or mock the other side, and if I did so inadvertently (I know I can be rather caustic, but it IS in jest), I apologize...I was simply giving my rationale. What I was really trying to say, as I attempted to state originally, is that my decision came down to doing as much research as I could, assessing the risk, and deciding it was safe. It is by that same reasoning that I avoid the risk of salmonella, etc. by not eating mayo-based foods and sushi (too much risk), and also why I am comfortable with a small amount of caffeine (not enough risk).
Analogy: The only guaranteed way I won't ever drown is by never getting anywhere near water. But I choose to shower to prevent my husband from leaving me. I choose to go swimming, and I choose to go the beach because it's the closest thing to heaven that I believe in. But I also know that I am a strong swimmer. I stay away from riptides, and I don't jump in with weights attached to my feet. Freak accidents happen, so sure, I suppose I could technically still drown one day, but I'm not going to live my life with that sort of fear for what has proven to be such a miniscule risk.
And it IS a miniscule risk. Even heavy drinkers only have a CHANCE of harming their babies—and a small one at that. But as I could not find any studies that showed that a glass or two has ever proven to cause even a CHANCE, I am very comfortable using that as a basis to my decision. I urge you to read the Discovery Health article—not to change your mind, but to hopefully help you understand why I used it—in part—to help shape my decision. You are, of course, welcome to disagree, or to think of me as selfish. But for someone like me, who has had a hard enough time coming to terms with sharing my life-as-I-know-it with another human being, I'm simply not willing to completely abandon the things I love (as long as I find them safe), and I absolutely do not think it impedes (and probably actually helps) my ability down the road to give this child my everything and do everything in my power to keep it safe, healthy and unconditionally loved.
Your welcome, Ann. Thanks for checking back. We really do appreciate everyone's opinions and appreciate our readers. When we responded, we didn't realize that it was another reader's comment and not the post itself that turned you off. We're sorry if we missed that. Always feel free to respond to and engage with other commenters to start a dialogue and what hopefully proves to be a healthy coversation.
Also, I meant to add my two cents about drinking while breastfeeding. I heard a midwife say once that the breast is the filter the placenta wishes it was! So, even less reason to worry about it while breastfeeding!
Thank you for writing this! I also chose to indulge while I was pregnant, and received the support of my family and friends. My best buddy even brought a bottle of Dom out to the (gasp!) hot tub on Christmas Eve so we could celebrate all of our fortunes in life. My husband ordered me a glass of my favorite champagne on my birthday at our favorite restaurant (and bless that sweet little server's heart, she smiled and gave a wink at my 8 month pregnant belly.) I also COMPLETELY agree with my friend who is on her second pregnancy who said, "I don't want to have to feel guilty IF..." I think it's a touchy subject that is really just the beginning of the questioning/compromising/judging that is life as a parent. I thought my kid would never watch tv, and I am a DJ Lance Rock groupie for life. I thought we'd never do fast food, and just the other day a french fry saved my life. I think it's important that we try to do the best we can for ourselves, our kids AND each other. I don't agree with a lot of what I've seen other parents do. I was a teacher for 9 years and I've talked my fair share of smack. But you know what? It ain't my kid. If I'm smart enough to ensure that I have an informed opinion, I'm probably not irresponsible enough to harm my unborn baby. If I do, it's my cross to bear. After 5 years in special ed, I can honestly say that not ONE of my kids with FAS came from a home where the mother was not a) in jail b) in rehab c) deceased d) on meth. That's just my experience though. Let's all be as smart as we can be and as kind to each other as we can be.
p.s. EVERYONE is a “right-wing, anally retentive, do-gooder" who "tells you your are harming your unborn baby" by the time you're in your 40th week and they look at you sideways. After having a baby, I will never again deem a pregnant woman's perspective, feelings, or inferences to be irrational. Cheers!
Liz, HAHAHAHA to your P.S.!!! Not sure if you saw this post, http://saltandnectar.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/top-five-rules-for-speaking-to-pregnant-women/
But I was being kind. My 40 weeks it was more like:
Kind stranger: Congratulations!
Me: Step away before I punch you in the face.
- SSH
OMG, Sarah, I forgot about that post. I'm having a fat day. Thanks for relinking and giving me a laugh this afternoon!
I just had a baby 4 months ago, and what I realized during my [what seemed like infinite] pregnancy is it was, like everything in life, a series of calculated risks. Yes, you could spend your entire 10 (yes 10) months of pregnancy on bed rest, away from all the smoke and alcohol and pollution and caffeine and deli meat and unpasteurized cheeses in the world, and still have a baby with a genetic defect or have something go terribly wrong. The reality is a happy mom is a good mom, and anything short of doing drugs or drinking a handle of liquor on the street is any mom's right and choice. Personally, I think it strengthens the bond of figuring out how you AND this little person co-exist in your life. Otherwise suddenly you're 50 years old and wonder who this person in the mirror is, and what happened to the person you used to be and really liked... and then you go buy a red convertible and/or revert to some 20-something version of who you thought you used to be. It's not pretty. Cheers.
PS @SSH - I saw this: http://saltandnectar.wordpress.com/2011/05/05/top-five-rules-for-speaking-to-pregnant-women/ at about my 38th week and laughed so hard I almost went into labor. Then I sent the link to everyone I knew. Then I printed up copies and sent it to all my family members that didn't have email. Then I laminated it and put it on a stick and waved it around like a flag everywhere I went. Ok not really, but all those thoughts crossed my mind. Thank you. :)
AlysonO, you just made my day. :) And it was going pretty well to begin with. - SSH
I can only say two things. I had only an occasional beer while pregnant and I don't THINK it hurt.? !? Also, I've worked with too many alcohol fetal syndrome babies (kids) to ever think much alcohol is ok. I think Pam's will be fine.
I think you were right on Pam, with my 1st pregnancy, I didn't have a sip of caffeine, I certainly didn't consume ANY alcohol of any kind, I would ask strangers in a 20 foot radius or me to put out their cigarettes and I was stressed the whole time! (reasons dating back to many miscarriages beforehand) With this pregnancy (that will be over by Monday, hooray!) I craved alcohol like a crack whore craved crack! I found myself conflicted because I didn't want to hurt my baby and it was my doctor who told me to get over myself and have a glass of wine. He said it was perfectly fine, and I could even have a couple of glasses a week. Since then I have been relaxed and have had a smooth pregnancy. I don't feel I have hurt my unborn son in anyway and I felt better about everything else going on. If people judge you, that is THEIR opinion, it doesn't make it true. Great post Pammy!
I was just too afraid to have any alcohol. My sister would drink wine during her 2nd and 3rd trimester and my niece was born with FAS. It's sad because she drank less than other mothers who consumed more and their babies were born just fine. It's heartbreaking everyday to watch the struggles. During my pregnancy I just didn't think about it or want it enough to have any. I didn't judge others if they did either. I don't think because I didn't drink made me anal retentive or judgemental, it just made me an expectant mother who did not drink. It's easy for all you commenters out there to get on your soap box and say what you did and how you did it on a blog but the majority of you did it in privacy. If you stand behind what you believe in, go to the bar, belly and all and enjoy your wine.