Starting a new job is both exhilarating and hard. The transition into office life and trading the work-at-home flexibility for a dream job is more challenging than I anticipated. Or maybe more emotional is a better way to say it.
I’ve worked full time at a law firm while relying on a nanny and daycare. Resigned in favor of staying at home with my Little Dude. Shortly thereafter returned to part-time law and work-at-home life. And, now, I’m back in the office from 9 to 5. So, I’ve been around the work block and know that each, any, and all arrangements have their rewards and challenges when it comes to balancing it all (and, no, I don’t think "balance" in the true sense of the word is achievable…but my friend Stephanie offers a fresh perspective on how we can feel more leveled).
Despite this familiarity with being a work-out-of-the-home mom, it is so much harder to say goodbye to the Little Dude this time around because he can now articulate how missing me makes him feel. And, boy oh boy, it makes me sad and my heart ache. I miss our afternoon ritual of play dates, museum trips, and clubhouse games. I miss making him dinner together followed by playing trains. I miss those two hours leading up to his bedtime that was just ours. Now, I’m lucky if traffic lets me get home in time to give him a bath and read before lights out.
I know it will get easier with time, but that’s not necessarily the solution I’m seeking or what I need. I know I want to be present and I wonder if what my schedule allows is enough for him, for me, for our family. I’m sure it will be. But while this is still new, I think I’ll break all my rules and sneak into his room to steal a few extra cuddles or sleep next to him. Shh…don’t tell him my secret.
~ The Other Sarah